For Shani Baraka

I remember my heart
Whole
Beating beating beating
Before the age of shattering and riddles
Before the time of lost lonely days and moonlit
Nights that mock us all
Before dizziness and cancer
Before amputation and maim
I remember my heart
Pumping full of dreams
The horizon plump with desire
And a sunset pregnant with morning
I remember my heart
With some fight and a little bit of vision
With some vision and a little bit of fight
The Barakas were not uncompleted yet
The rallies were musical and fresh
My fists held signs
My fists held hands
My fists held my heart above my head
And I remember
I remember my heart
Like a radio station
Playing the number one hits in a row
My heart was democratic then
My heart was extended family then
Department luxury store then
The world was everything I loved you with then
I remember it was perfect
It was high notes I cant hit anymore
It was good hair day all week back then
Brimming with love
And love stories
And no bad memories then
This is what I remember
My heart
When it was close to my soul
Good friends with my mind
Inseperable from my lips
My heart
My heart
My heart
Given to a tomorrow that never came
Tomorrow who pushed farther and farther in to the future
And left me with yesterday.
Destitute
Kicking it with hope just to get over the pain
I sought the diagnosis
That left me heartless
Committed to a long term hangover
Convinced I’ll get better with some sleep
Sneaking out late at night
I buy poetry drinks
Till she’s with me
Wasted
We fuck against back alley walls
Her skirt hiked up around her hips
We don’t kiss don’t kiss
No kisses this is
How she likes it she say
The morning after
Crumpled words and worlds litter my palms
Staring out the window
That faces a black wall.

Tracey Luszcz
Copyright 2004